As the year comes to another end, I get so fucking annoyed.
Really.
I hate time.
I hate inertia. I simply hate.
Oh well.
&
I'm hoping that I will get retained...
"WHAT? WHY!?"
Just to shut you people up:
Because I want to study art, not as a mere 4th subject. (think about it)
Because I didnt bother this year.
Because I would bother next year.
Because if I did go on the J2, I won't bother.
Because I am a capricorn, I won't pursue anything unless I see potential perfection.
Because I am drawn to clean slates.
Because this year, I never tried.
Because it would be unfair to get me to start from the middle of a mess.
Because I have a label to escape.
Because I have labels to earn.
Because I am in no hurry. ( why should i be, dammit? )
Because I believe in myself.
Because I know what I want.
Because this is how to get it.
Because I see no future in the conventional ( not this time ).
Because this year, I have learnt.
Because I know what to do this time around.
Because I believe in being selfish now.
Because I trust myself, not completely, but enough now.
Because I've not changed that much, i am still stubborn as hell.
Because there's too much life to soak up.
Because you cannot kill my drive.
Because you cannot rush inspiration.
Because I will not let myself down, when i'm doing what I want.
Because if you force me, i will let you down.
Because I am not just an answer to be heard.
Because I am impatient. I will not wait till later to chase dreams.
Because these are merely a tiny fraction of the reasons that keeps me driven to do this.
If that wasnt enough.
Ask yourself how you reason.
-pat
Monday, December 23, 2002
Thankyou Shih!!!!!!! For dropping by at my party....haha...
It was one fun party... kinda good that there weren't too many people... enough booze to go round...
Got some pretty nice presents. No, strike that. Got some kickass presents from my friends (who actually knew what the party was for..)
Ok, for the past few days, i've been really braindead. So um. Enough silly ramblings for now.
Gonna go out to get coffee.... *yawn*
-pat
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
Thanks for the prayer Shih!! You've really helped me through so much! And honestly, no, I haven't forgotten the prayer! =) It's been posted up on my wall, right in front of my study desk! Haha, thanks again! And Shih, you are SO lucky. Monkey, Gentleman, and Model Dude. Haha... Oh, and as for the "bimbo" , here:
"Thats just'. she's just-Like, OMG, like what-eh-vah"
*rolls eyes*
.. oh NO! my fake lashes are falling out!!
*runs away*
-pat-
P.S: like, just , what the hell.....
Saturday, December 14, 2002
Hmm. I still feel like blogging.
Alright.
So, Port Dickson was really nice... very tranquil [ except my parents kept arguing with the hotel people abt minor stuff, but that's just them]. I found a new sport and I'm totally, positively, absolutely addicted. I went canoeing with my brother!! He came in 1st the Singapore canoeing thingy for NCC, so he was pretty good...and he even told me I was pretty fast { for a beginner -_-} It's suprising how tranquil that sport is... easy yet challenging too! So, I might be heading down to the yatch club this week to canoe.
And the hotel we stayed in was charming as well... We had 2 water chalets, kinda like a mordern kampong. Heh. And the shower was under a sky light . That's right, it was open air. Kinda freaky. It's like, you're in the privacy of your bathroom, but you're not. Kinky. You could even look down on the sea through the shower floor! ...*raises eyebrow*
Stopped by at melaka, Lukut and Johor along the way... shopping was really un-fruitful until yesterday... Levis, Za and LOTS of pirated Cds. Heh. Vain, sinful, me.
Speaking of looks, everyone's changing so quickly... it's like, just about a quarter year since I've not contacted my "old friends" and boy... have they changed inside and out. But it's good. I see more maturity and sensitivity seeping in. I can't say that'll mean that everything's mended though.
Guess I'll just be moving on, if they happen to be heading the same way, fine. But I really doubt we share the same bearings at this point in life.
-pat-
*3...2...one... talk crap!*
Ok ok, so I just got back from Port Dickson yesterday night. Can't believe my poor little arse survived the traffic jam across the causeway.
*er*
No, that's not what I meant to blog.
kk, restart.
Ok ok, so last thursday, my parents decided that it would be fun to grill me, poke me, and fucking annoy the shlitz outta me + remind me about my apparent lack of future. *mm* So as Shih would know, I decided to drop by at school at night to get away from those freaks. And Shih, you really made things alot better for me, thanks.*hugs*
And well, now things are pretty much cleared up. The two dingbats read my DC death journal, so that pretty much cleared abit more things up. Shih dropped me the most inspiring and touching little note. =) Thanks for even taking time out from council camp to do that Shih! { o, & I promised myself that I'd never suan you abt the LRp again! }
*Sigh*
All this mess.
But admist all this maddness, I've found a new calm.
I feel relieved to have gotten a point across to my *overlords*.
And I feel blessed,
to have a friend like Shih!
{but I will suan you abt that HOT looking gentle man... *wink* }
-Pat-
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
Shih!!! Have a fun time scrubbing sweet potatos and wrapping them!!
*hysteria*
This is awfully bizzare.
Anyways, as for council camp, have fun!! I'll visit you!
-trish-
So today, I got a call, from Amber. She apologized. I can't really gather what for. But she did. Not to sound like i'm booking the score, but though things are definately slightly more even now, it's never going to be level again.
I genuinely was worried about her when she was , well, away.
And I never, not for a moment, had harboured any spite against her.
I never even bitched about it.
But honestly, I can't say that it was difficult without her.
If one day, shall she ever read this, I hope she'll see,
I'll always be her friend,
I'll always care for her (I never stopped),
but everything else, might just have changed.
"forever fries" =)
-pat-
Monday, December 09, 2002
Just woke up...I have resorted to sleeping on the floor of my bed room. That mad loft bed is simply taking a toll on me.
My eyebags cannot even hide behind cakes of concealer anymore...
But then again, I couldnt sleep yesterday, (yes, i was on the floor).
So I tried working on that storyboard for that little fling I'm having with my vid cam.
{ at this point, pat looks through old blogs and marvel at how boring she is }
Anyways, other than a list of what kinds of things my clip shouldn't be about, I couldn't come up with anything...
which basically bites arse.
This is going nowhere.
-trish-
I feel almost sinful. Indulging in all this aimless blogging and creating excessive parallel web blogs.
But hell, I'd better vent before I start gnawing on doggy toys.
I would blog about that tinge of warm, fuzzy ambition I had a half minute ago,
but my dad just came about with his "do something about your future" shlitz.
So, um. Fuck.
I seriously need to get all this bad karma outta my system.
I need to get conflict and war outta my system.
-trish-